Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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