Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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