wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
