you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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