I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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