I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
