Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
