No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
