If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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