I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
