We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize