Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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