hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
