Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
