dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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