plz talk dirty to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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