she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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