Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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