don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
