I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
