i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
