I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
