Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
