One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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