youre lurking in front of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
