I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
