the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
