I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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