Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize