Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
