We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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