oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
