Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
