My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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