She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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