Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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