found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
