I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They took my balls.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
