My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
