So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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