i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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