I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
