I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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