is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They took my balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
