she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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