Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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