my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why is half of my head shaved?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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