Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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