New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
