those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
