Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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