see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize