I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
