We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
