I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize