just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
