I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
