Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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