so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
