Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
