Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just google imaged poop.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
