I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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