it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
