okay pat passed out under dana's car
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
