nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
