It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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