You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize