From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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