just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
