I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize