Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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