Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
