Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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