what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize