hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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