His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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