gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
