is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
