dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize