I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
