whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
