i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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