Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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