I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
