i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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