Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
