i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
