the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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