i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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