I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
