Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize