Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
