Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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