soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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