I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
