if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
