Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
