dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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