Umm I'm too high to move.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
